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Offbeat: Life, Death and Vinyl

in Blog, Vinyl by Gareth Peebles

The Offbeat series will cover the strangest and most bizarre records ever pressed, exploring the world of weird on vinyl. So if you know of any examples that fit this criteria, get in touch and we’ll write some words about it!

It’s that time of year again when the summer sun slowly ebbs in to the distance and makes way for the autumnal dance of the falling leaves; and we heed warnings of razor blades in bobbing apples, bleach in communal beverages and boogie men. Then we ignore it all and dutifully accept sweets from strangers (note: I’ve never been trick or treating, but you know what I’m getting at)! So in a bid to get us all in to the season of spook, the first few articles in this Offbeat series will cover some of the more grizzly offerings from the vinyl industry, and boy do we start off with a doozy!

As Dick Clark famously said, “music is the soundtrack of our lives” and he was right, except now music can also be the soundtrack of our deaths too. Awesome! With prices starting at around £3,000, ‘And Vinyly’ will press your ashes in to vinyl, accompanied by a total of 24 minutes of audio of your choosing.

“This can be music, a vocal recording or complete silence to let loved ones hear your pops & crackles”

This is both creepy and bloody amazing at the same time and is something that has genuinely got me reconsidering my previous arrangements for afterlife care. The possibilities for posthumous pranks are in abundance here, but there is also something much deeper and much sweeter about this concept that I think both music fans and family/loved ones of said music fans can appreciate.

There are even optional extras to consider when planning your party from beyond the groove:

  • Why not compliment your ash riddled vinyl with an ash riddled portrait by National Portrait Gallery artist, James Hague or street artist Paul Insect? “Original artwork produced with the ashes you supply on canvas. Send a photo or arrange a 1 hour pre-death sitting”
  • Is your spookiest pre-death monologue not quite creepy enough? Then use a ‘sonic template’ as a backing track for your vocal recording, including, “ambient, space and haunting” varieties
  • Hell, if your death has been as much of a strain on your family as you’d like to hope it has been, then nobody will be in any fit state to organise your funeral, so why not let AndVinyly do it for you? Prices start at £10,000 and they will “play your record, speak to your guests, crack some jokes, embarrass someone or make them dance”

All of this can be yours in ten simple steps… one of those steps just happens to be dying!

riv

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As a side note, while researching for this article I looked in to other options available for afterlife care and to be perfectly honest with you, having your ashes pressed in to vinyl seems like a very sensible option when considering THIS as an alternative?!

 Yes, that’s President Obama’s face with your ashes all stuffed up inside of it…

obama-urn

About the Author

Gareth Peebles – I have always been in love with popular culture – but, being a child of the 80’s and part of “the MTV generation”, I suppose it’s fitting that the one constant in my pop culture obsession has been music. Music, music, music. All day, everyday, in every and any way that I can get it.

My first full time job was at a now defunct major label store – which I loved. Then I taught Media Theory & Production for a few years – which I also loved. Now I get to listen to music all day and create stuff using computers, which I love too!

2 Responses to “Offbeat: Life, Death and Vinyl”

  1. JONATHAN IVES says:

    fantastic, so you get your ashes pressed in to a custom record, which someone then spends hours trying to clean off with a RCM. Your second funeral is when your ashes are mingled with the dirt & fluff from the record and flushed down the sink .

    I know you can be turned into a diamond (extreme pressure and heat on carbon ashes) maybe a stylus would be an option ?

    Sort of related but I assume you know about these :

    https://www.theguardian.com/music/2015/jan/29/bone-music-soviet-bootleg-records-pressed-on-xrays

    • Gareth Peebles says:

      Love the idea of having your ashes turned in to a diamond tipped stylus Jonathan!

      What with records and stylus’ made from ashes, maybe there’s also room in the afterlife music market to have some kind of rickety record player made from your own bones too…

      Also, thanks for the link, fascinating stuff that will definitely find it’s way in to the Offbeat series at some point soon!

      Cheers

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